


The Great Race

by LiamLordofTrash



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Tower, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Avengers, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, No character bashing, Science Bros, Stan Lee Cameo, dumb, it's getting more crack, language ooooo, steve knows no things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:51:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiamLordofTrash/pseuds/LiamLordofTrash
Summary: After walking in on Tony and Stephen kissing, Steve Rogers is told that men can marry men, so he of course, immediately decides to marry Bucky. However, that would make him the first married gay Avenger, and Tony can't have that. And so the race begins.This is going to be silly, but should be fun. No character bashing b/c I'm not about that.





	1. Someone Tell Steve

Tony was very comfortable in the Avengers tower. Really comfortable. Make out with his boyfriend on the couch while pretending to listen to some old guy named Stan Lee being interviewed on the news about the latest alien invasion comfortable. Clint liked to shoot his nerf bow and arrow at them, Thor ignored them to the point of sitting by them, and Bruce just awkwardly darted out of the room. The rest of the Avengers were causicious to avoid the general area Stephen and Tony were in if they were there alone. Except Steve Rogers. Tony hadn’t realized Steve didn’t know yet until that day. There was a gasp and he heard a plate drop. They pulled apart and looked at Steve, who was standing there, eyes wide. Stephen turned bright red and then opened a portal and escaped. Tony was left on the couch, irritated. 

“Damn it, Steve,” Tony said, sighing and turning back to the news. 

“Look, Tony we haven’t always agreed on everything, but I want you to know I have your back and I won’t tell anyone,” Steve said, trying to be reassuring. 

“What do you mean?”

“You two really need to be more careful, imagine if someone else had come in.”

“Oh the horror of Thor eating nachos next to us or Clint hitting me with his nerf thing,” Tony mocked. “Leave it to Captain America to scare away my boyfriend,” he sighed. 

“What..?” Steve said. “This is..? Is this not a big thing anymore?” asked Steve. 

“Is what not a big thing?”

“Being… you know… a uh..” Steve was at a loss for words.

“Sucking dick?” Tony asked. Steve stuttered and blushed and tried to re-explain himself. “You mean being gay,” Tony corrected, once Steve was satisfyingly embarrassed. 

“Yeah,” he said sheepishly. “That.”

“You know gays can get married now right?”

“Fucking what?” Steve asked.

“Language!” Tony exclaimed, grinning ear to ear.

“Gays can marry? Like a man can marry a man?”

“Yeah? You gotta problem with that, Cap?” 

“I’ll be back.”

 

“Has anyone seen the Spangled Steve?” Thor asked. Ever since he found out there was a Steve and a Stephen he had taken to calling Rogers Spangled Steve and Strange Wizard Steve. Tony tried to say that it was easier to just say Steve and Stephen, like he did, but Thor refused after finding out Steve was a nickname, claiming that Strange was his friend also and deserved the fond shortening of his name. Tony thought it was sweet, but it drove Stephen insane.

“Not since he made my boyfriend disappear,” Tony sighed. 

“He did what?” Thor asked.

“He walked in on Tony and Stephen being gross and left,” Clint said.

“You are a married man why can you not handle making out?” Tony asked.

“Well you don’t see me making out in the middle of the room,” Clint said. “Because it’s gross. I’m trying to eat. Go make out with your wizard somewhere else.” 

“Well then no one has seen the Spangled Steve?”

“No.”

“Why?” asked Sam, sitting on what was referred to as the ‘perch’, where he, Clint, and occasionally T’Challa would sit to be higher than everyone else. 

“I wanted to debate with him about being the First Avenger, since he is only around a hundred years old, and I am over fifteen hundred.” 

“He does have a point,” Rhodey muttered. 

“We’ll tell you if we see him.” 

 

Tony had just finally got Stephen to reappear in his lap, though he sat there cautiously looking around like an angry magic owl. Tony rubbed his hands through Stephen’s hair. Sam was still in the perch, but Tony was fairly sure he was sleeping, so they were basically alone. He leaned forwards and kissed Stephen’s nose, just as Steve bust in.

“Damn it Spangles!” Tony hissed, wrapping his arms around Stephen to make sure he couldn’t escape again. 

“Thanks Spangles,” Sam said. “I didn’t wanna watch that or move enough for them to realize I was awake.” 

“Have you seen Bucky?” asked Steve.

“No, but Thor is looking for you.” 

“What? Why?”

“He wants to debate that he’s the first Avenger because he’s older than you.” 

“Alright,” Steve said. “Well I’ve got to find Bucky, just tell Thor he’s right.” 

“Why have you gotta find Bucky?” Sam asked. 

“Sam, Tony just told me the craziest thing.”

“What? The macbook exists?”

“Two men can get married.”

“Yep,” Sam said. 

“Alright well I gotta find Bucky.”

“To tell him?” Sam asked.

“No, I gotta marry him.” 

“Oh, congrats,” said Sam. 

“Congratulations,” said Stephen. 

“Nice,” Tony said, waiting for Sam and Steve to leave before continuing to bother Stephen, kissing his neck and petting his hair. 

 

“Well he may not be the first Avenger but it looks like he’ll be the first male Avenger to marry a man,” noted Thor. Everyone had heard that Cap and Bucky were engaged, and until he heard that Tony didn’t care much. He didn’t like those too very much anymore, but he tried to be amicable. But that was just unacceptable. Steve couldn’t be first at anything Tony could be first at. “It’s odd that that is unusual,” Thor said. “It’s not in Asgard.” 

“I have to beat him,” Tony whispered. 

“What?” asked Natasha. “Beat who?” 

“Steve.”

“Why do you want to beat our friend?”

“No I have to beat him to that,” Tony said. 

“To being the first married gay Avenger?” asked Clint.

“Yeah.”

“You aren’t married to Strange?” Bruce asked.

“No?”

“But you call him your wizard husband?” 

“Bruce my relation to people is not based off their contact names in my phone,” Tony said.

“So I’m not your Science Bro?” Bruce said sadly. 

“Shut up, that one is right,” Tony said. “Anyways… I gotta find a way to immediately marry Stephen.” 

“Yeah! Go get your wizard,” Rhodey yelled from the couch. “And I better be your best man.” 

“Uhmm? I’m his Science Bro?” Bruce said. 

“I am the strongest and therefor best man!” Thor declared loudly. Tony darted off before they could have him end the argument. 

 

 


	2. The Supreme Husbands

“So Wong,” Tony began. He wasn’t sure if Wong was irritated with him always, or if his face just kind of looked like that. “Is there any sort of ritual or something for wizard marriage?”

“You’re going to marry Stephen?” Wong asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Tony said.

“Finally,” Wong sighed, letting Tony in the sanctum. “There are specific customs from Kamar-Taj, but Stephen is also American so they won’t mean anything to him either.”

“Alright.. Alright.”

“Also I was informed that this is part of a competition?” Wong asked.

“Yeah, I want me and Stephen to be the first gay married Avengers so that Steve can’t,” Tony said. 

“You are marrying him for a bet? For a title?” Wong asked, suddenly putting himself between Tony and where Stephen was.

“I always wanted to marry him, Wong,” Tony said, “But I just never… I don’t know I worry. I’ve got..”

“You and your damn commitment problems. I told Stephen, I said, ‘Stephen, I’ve stalked his twitter for months and I can tell you, he’s broken up with this one girl so many times. They switch on and off like a lightbulb. Now it’s just going to be an endless loop of  Stephen to Pepper, eternally, like your fight with Dormammu, and I don’t want to deal with this’,” Wong said. “That’s what I told him and you know what he did? He dated you anyways.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Did I say it was a bad thing?” asked Wong, crossing his arms.

“You’re always mad!”

“You make him happy! And you better tell him about the bet thing or I’ll-”

“I will,” Tony said. “So do you… approve of me or?”

“Absolutely not, but I don’t approve of Stephen either. You’re a match made in the dark dimension.”

“Is that wizard hell?”

“Sort of.”

“Thanks.” Tony walked up to Stephen. “Stephen, what if we were the first married gay Avengers?”

“That’d be- was that the worst marriage proposal in the whole world?” 

“I mean maybe but I can make it up to you in the honeymoon,” Tony said with a wink. He heard Wong gag from another room. 

“You’d better,” said Stephen, shaking his head. 

 

“Clearly I am the superior man,” Thor said. “I’m a god. I can shoot lighting.”

“Okay I can’t shoot a lightning bolt out of my ass but I can, like, talk like a normal human being,” Bruce said. “And I get along better with Tony.”

“I am his best friend and the other Ironman basically,” Rhodey said. “I am  _ obviously  _ the best man.” 

“Lady Natasha!” Thor exclaimed. “Which Avenger is the best man?” he asked.

“Clint,” she said, walking out. 

“ _ Clint?” _ they all asked at once. “He’s not the best!”

“Screw you too!” Clint yelled, hitting Thor with a nerf bullet before crawling back into the vents. 

“Yeah well I’m already definitely Steve’s best man,” Sam said from the perch. 

“How did you become his best man?”

“Bucky can’t be the groom and the best man and Steve’s only got like three friends,” he said.

“Who will be the best man of Bucky or Wizard Steve?” asked Thor.

“My bet? A plum and Wong.” 

“Why?”

“Does Bucky even like anyone who’s not Sam and Steve? Also Stephen has one friend, and it’s Wong.” 

“Aight, fair enough,” Sam said. 

“I shall be the best man!” Thor yelled.

“Kill them all for the title, brother!” Loki yelled, walking in on the arm of the Grandmaster. 

“What the fuck brother? You’re alive?” 

“Did you expect any less bitch?” Loki asked. 

“Not really. Glad you’re back,” Thor said, smiling and hugging his brother.

“What the hell? Why does he get to just waltz back in here?”

“Because I’m Loki,” he said. 

“Fine.”

“Hey am I an Avenger?”

“Bitch, no!” snapped Clint. 

“Bitch, maybe? He did get claimed by the poster?” Deadpool said.

“The poster?”

“Who invited you?” asked Clint, hitting Deadpool with a dart. 

“Nevermind,” he sighed, walking off. 

“Wait so why did you care if you’re an Avenger?” said Bruce.

“Because if I am an Avenger then I’m going to be the first married Avenger because I’m getting hitched  _ tomorrow, _ ” Loki said showing off the ring. 

“Oh congratulations brother!” Thor said, though he seemed a little sad.

“You’re coming,” Loki said. “That’s why we’re here.” 

“I’m coming!? You came back for me?” asked Thor.

“Well.. Yes,” Loki said. “You’re.. You’re my brother.” 

“Tell Stark I regret missing his wedding, but that I must be away! Good luck to the second best man,” Thor said, pointing to Rhodey and Bruce as he left with his brother and the Grandmaster. 

“Good uh, luck, there Mr. Champion,” the Grandmaster said to Bruce. 

“You know what, now that Thor’s gone, I’m gonna do it,” Clint said.

“What?”

“I’m gonna be the best man!”

“No you’re not it’s gonna be me!” Bruce yelled.

“Obviously it’s  _ me, _ ” Rhodey hissed. Natasha laughed with Wanda as they watched. 

“Watch this,” she said softly to Wanda. “Clearly, you guys, it’s gonna be me,” she said. “It’s not a traditional wedding but there’s still gonna be a best man and a groom’s maid, and Stephen’s only friend is Wong.” They all argued it as best they could and continued to fuss with each other. Wanda and Natasha had to hold in their laughter. 

 


	3. Planning Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ships were in the tags so it's time for a lil fluffy fluff

Peter rushed through the tower so quickly that for a second Clint thought Pietro had risen from the dead. He had a massive binder which he threw onto the table, calling all of them over.

“Avengers, assemble!” he yelled. Nearly automatically they all rushed the table. 

“Don’t do that to us unless it’s serious damnit!” Sam snapped, rubbing his forehead. “Fury trained us all to take that seriously.”

“Okay, well my dad’s wedding is serious!” Peter exclaimed, bouncing up and down. “Also I brought Wong,” he said, pointing to the visibly tired sorcerer. 

“It is five in the morning,” Natasha said. 

“Yes ma’am, yes ma’am it is!” Peter exclaimed. “But I was too excited to sleep, we gotta do this now!”

“What is ‘this’?”

“Wedding planning!! Irondad said I could do this and-”

“Goodnight,” Sam said, leaving. Peter ignored him and opened the binder. The first picture was a drawing of Tony in a suit holding hands with what had probably originally been Pepper or some other woman with a cut out of Stephen’s face over the original face. 

“When did you draw that?” asked Natasha.

“Uhhhmm… a couple years ago.” 

“Is there any reason Stephen is in a dress?” Wong asked, getting a cup of coffee.

“Because when I first drew it it was supposed to be Pepper and now it’s Stephen so I just put his face over it.” 

“That is so cute,” Natasha said softly. 

“Okay, so,” Peter said, pulling out tiny cut outs of each Avenger. He pulled out his map of where ever he was going to have them get married and put the Stephen and Tony cutouts under the altar. “They go there. And I go here,” he said, putting himself on a square labeled ‘ring bearer’. “And so Wong,” he said, putting him next to Stephen, “Is Stephen’s best man… Who is Tony’s?” Peter asked. Natasha grinned as Clint, Rhodey, Bruce, and now even Vision started to argue. 

“I am his  _ best friend! _ ” Rhodey snapped.

“I’m his Science Bro!” Bruce yelled, starting to turn green around the neck. 

“I was literally made for this role,” Vision said calmly. Hawkeye hit him in the head with a nerf dart.

“Do you guys even know what the best man does? I do! Because I’ve already been to a wedding, my wedding!” Clint hissed. 

“Let’s call Irondad,” said Peter. He took out his phone and called Tony. The first time he didn’t answer.

“Whatdaya need Pete?” he asked the second time.

“Irondad, who’s your favorite male Avenger besides you and Stephen?” he asked, putting him on speaker phone.  Tony yawned.

“I dunno.. T’Challa.” 

“Okay,” Peter said, hanging up. 

“ _ T’Challa!?” _ the four fighting to be the best man yelled. 

“What the hell is going on?” Bucky asked, walking in.

“Irondad is marrying Doctordad and I’m planning the wedding and they all wanna be the best man and so I called him and he said that his favorite male Avenger besides himself and Stephen is T’Challa.”

“Tony is marrying the wizard?” Bucky asked. He paused. “Is it so Steve and I can’t be the first gay married Avengers?”

“Yes,” Wong sighed. 

“Hmmm,” Bucky said, sipping his coffee. “Well…” 

  
  


“How did this happen!?” Tony exclaimed. 

“How did what happen?” Stephen asked, stretching. 

“At like six in the morning Steve and Bucky announced they’re getting married.”

“Mmhmmm?”

“Before us!” Tony snapped. 

“Okay,” Stephen said. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Stephen we gotta announce it right now and get married as soon as possible.” 

“You do that,” Stephen said stretching across the couch with his tea as his cloak wrapped around his shoulders. The cloak floated over to Tony and tripped him, catching him before he hit the ground.

“Gah! Damn it you know I hate that,” he said to the cloak. The cloak wrapped around him, carrying him to Stephen and then dumping him onto Stephen’s lap, wrapping itself around them both, snuggling them. Tony leaned back and stole Stephen’s tea, holding it for him. He sipped the tea even though he hated tea. He didn’t want Stephen to fully realize he stole it because he was worried Stephen’s hands would shake and he would drop it on Tony. 

“You don’t even like tea,” Stephen said.

“It’s an indirect kiss,” Tony said, kissing the rim of the cup, and putting it near Stephen’s face. He knew, he had to know. Regardless he didn’t say anything, sipping from the cup. Then he kissed Tony’s cheek. 

 

“I really don’t think this whole race thing is the best idea,” Steve said. 

“Hm?” 

“Buck, Tony’s competitive with everything, and normally it’s fun to do this sort of stuff but it’s our wedding. I just.. Really hope that we didn’t accidentally push Tony into getting married just to beat us,” Steve said.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Bucky said. “He wanted to marry his wizard for years now, he just wanted some excuse for himself.” 

“That doesn’t sound good for them though.. I just.. An excuse?” 

“Steve you care too much about everybody,” he said, wrapping his arm around Steve. He didn’t like to touch Steve with his metal arm. It reminded him too much of Hydra, of being the Winter Soldier. He knew Steve had already seen all that, gone through all that. But he still didn’t want to touch him with it. It just wasn’t right. He rubbed his whiskers against Steve’s neck and put butterfly kisses on his neck. Steve wiggled and laughed a little. 

“Buck, stop that,” he laughed. Bucky locked his arm around Steve. 

“What’s wrong? Are you… ticklish!?” he exclaimed, tickling Steve with his whiskers. 

“Bu _ cky! _ ” he yelped. Bucky snickered. 

“What’s the matter, sugar?” 

 


	4. This one is just a picture

Ask and ye shall receive 

Note, I'm not the best at drawing but I can make stupid things like this lol 


	5. The Best Best Man

Clint had to deal with a lot of shit. He was a deaf superhero with no powers and a bow and arrow for fuck’s sake. And Clint Barton did not give in. Bruce, Vision, and Rhodey were sad that Tony had said T’Challa. But he knew better. Clint knew not to give up. Because Clint knew he could  _ convince  _ Tony that he was the best. How? Well of course, the best way to the heart of Tony Stark was through Stephen Strange. So if he was really nice to Strange, then Tony would like him more. He just liked T’Challa because T’Challa’s little sister was helping Rhodey and Stephen with the advanced medicine of Wakanda. So Clint took a little initiative and snuck into the Sanctum. 

“Something is in the vents,” Wong insisted.

“It’s probably a raccoon or something.”  Oh how he was wrong. Clint had no idea what to do from where he was. He waited until Stephen left the room and then descended from the ceiling.

“Oh shit! Stephen it’s not a-”

“Shhh!” Clint said. Wong paused for a second. “I wanna know how to make Stephen like me.”

“What the hell? Why?”

“I want to be Tony’s best man and the best way to make Tony like me is to make Stephen like me.”

“And you’re asking me about this why?”

“Because Stephen likes you.” 

“Just go be nice to Tony and leave us alone,” Wong said.

“How did you make Stephen like you?”

“I have no idea. I beat him with a stick and threatened his life a lot,” said Wong. Clint took note of that and retreated. “Hey! You! No! Get out of the vents!” He crawled through the vents of the sanctum until he found Strange. He jumped out of the vents, landing in front of him.

“I’ll kill you,” he said. Clint got kicked out of the Sanctum. 

  
  


Bruce was smart, and he knew exactly how to become Tony’s best man. Suck up to his fiance. So Bruce lurked around the Sanctum, doing literally everything he could for Stephen. Stephen did not seem to appreciate it. Wong pulled him aside.

“I’m guessing you’re trying to become Tony’s best man?” asked Wong.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t do what you’re doing- he hates people doing everything for him. He thinks you’re doing it because of his hands and it insults him.”

“Ah. Damnit,” Bruce said. “What should I do?”

“Leave us alone and talk to Tony,” Wong said. 

“Alright, uh, thanks,” Bruce said, leaving the Sanctum, waving.

“Finally, he’s gone,” Stephen said. 

“You’re welcome,” Wong said. They heard a knocking at the door. 

“Oh no.”

“Not again,” Wong said. “Alright, this time you’re not home- shut up and hide.” Stephen ran out of the room as Wong walked to the door. He opened it.

“Hello-” Vision began.

“Stephen is not home.” 

“Where’s he at?” asked Rhodey.

“I have no  idea,” Wong said. “I’m not his baby sitter.” 

“He was just here though,” Bruce said, walking back. 

“No he wasn’t,” Wong said, hoping that he would get the hint. 

“But.. he  _ was. _ ”

“No he wasn’t stupid,” Clint said, hitting him in the arm. 

“But-”

“No!” Clint said. 

“Okay,” Bruce said. Clint winked at Wong in the most obvious way possible, and he was lucky that Vision was as socially fluent as a microwave oven and that Rhodey hadn’t seen it or they would know for sure. 

“Let’s go bother Tony then,” Bruce said, finally getting it. Probably. They left. Wong shut the door slowly, making sure they were actually leaving. 

“Wong, you are a lifesaver,” Stephen said quietly. “I’m gonna make a call.”

 

Bruce, Clint, Rhodey, and Vision had a race to get back to the tower to talk to Tony as soon as they possibly could. But when they got there, to their combined horror he was sitting and talking and drinking wine with  _ Natasha!  _ She was trying to steal their spot! 

“Get back, snake!” Clint yelled, grabbing his nerf bow and nearly knocking her wine glass out of her hand. 

“Clint what the hell!?”

“You were supposed to help me become his best man!”

“I thought you were helping me?” Bruce said, eyes wide. 

“Wanda is helping me,” Vision informed them.

“I don’t need help because Tony actually  _ likes me,” _ Rhodey hissed. 

“Guys I’ve got everything except Tony’s best man,” Peter said. “And we need that so I know who the best man is and who the groomsmen are! I gotta put them on my map!” Peter exclaimed, holding up the map. The Avengers started to gather, listening to the others spat.

“I will fight you!” Clint said, poking Rhodey in the chest. 

“Guys-” Tony began.

“He made me,” Vision said. 

“Come on-” Tony said.

“I’m his friend!” Bruce said, turning green around the throat. “Unlike you! You traded him for Cap!”

“Bruce!”

“Yeah well I’m his best friend!” snapped Rhodey. 

“Come on you-” Tony began.

“My chart!” Peter cried.

“Just pick someone,” Natasha said, throwing the nerf dart back at Clint.

“Who is it?” Bruce asked. Everyone turned to Tony.

“My best man will be Bucky.”

“Bucky?” Natasha asked, spitting out her wine.

“Bucky!?” Rhodey and Clint gasped.

“Bucky,” repeated Vision. 

“Bucky,” said Peter, peeling the Bucky sticker out of the audience. 

“Bucky?” asked Bucky pointing to himself. 

“Buck...Bucky…” Bruce muttered. 

“Yeah. Bucky,” Tony confirmed. 

 

“Well I think threatening his life was a bad idea,” Clint said to Wong. 

“You don’t say?” Wong sighed.  

“He picked Bucky,” Clint said. “He doesn’t even like Bucky!”

“He picked… Alright,” Wong said. 

“I’m gonna go home,” Clint said.

“Good,” Wong said, still not letting him in the Sanctum, leaving him outside in the rain. Clint finally left. He walked back to Stephen. “How did you do it?”

“I wanted them to suffer for bothering us all day,” Stephen said. “So I called Tony and told him about it and he said he was going to pick someone who was none of them.” 

“He picked Bucky.”

“Bucky?”

“Bucky.”

“He doesn’t even like Bucky though?” 

 


	6. Surprise

Tony had locked them in, trying to stop them from being able to win. That’s what it was. He knew that was what it was. Why else would Tony pick him? Bucky couldn’t marry Steve if he had to be at Tony’s wedding, that was why he was Tony’s best man. Vision and Bruce had handled it amicably, happy to be groomsmen instead. Rhodey was a bit jealous and sassed Tony for a while, but he got over it. Clint continued to hit him with nerf darts, but Bucky wasn’t sure if that was because of it or not. Clint also stuck fridge magnets to Bucky’s arm. He sighed and tried to pull them off. 

“I’m so glad you and Tony finally made up,” Steve said. 

“It’s a plot,” Bucky said.

“Maybe he’s moving on? Maybe it’s a plot? I don’t know this shit is crazy but Tony is crazy so,” Sam said with a shrug. 

“I’m just glad we’re invited,” Steve said. “I was always kind of worried that Tony would get upset and have Strange turn us into frogs or something.” 

“Tony’s still trying to win the race,” Bucky said.

“Let him have it,” said Steve. 

“But Steve! This is for pride! For gay superheros everywhere! For America!” Bucky exclaimed.

“Mhmm,” said Steve.

“For me?” Bucky said softly, batting his eyes at Steve. 

“If we elope immediately there’s no chance they can beat us!” Steve yelled, running out the door. “Sam! Tell Nat to keep Tony busy!” Bucky followed him running. 

“Aight,” Sam said calling Nat. “Bucky and Steve are eloping right now to win the race,” he told her. “Keep Tony busy.” 

“Oh I would but.. I’m a double agent! Long live team Ironstrange!” Natasha yelled before hanging up. Sam gasped and ran out to the others.

“Bucky! Steve! Natasha is a double agent!”

“Yeah?”

“For team Ironstrange!” Sam clarified.

“Team what-y what? What team are we?” Steve asked.

“Team Stucky,” Bucky said. “And we don’t have a moment to lose! There’s only one place in town where you can get married in under ten minutes!”

“Old Man Lee’s?”

“Old Man Lee’s.” 

 

“They’re eloping now!” Natasha yelled. “Get Stephen now we have to go!” 

“Red Alert!” yelled Tony. “We have to go now!”

“Old Man Lee’s?” asked Peter. “But it was supposed to be at-”

“I know, Peter, I’ll make it up to you later but Team Stucky is armed and on the move!” 

“I’m calling now,” Rhodey said. “Wong? Where is Stephen? What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“Stephen’s missing!” Natasha reported to Tony.

“Damnit! Everyone but Nat and Peter and Rhodey head to Old Man Lee’s and don’t let them in!” Tony yelled. He walked down to Rhodey. “Give me the phone.” Rhodey passed the phone.

“Where is Stephen?” Tony asked. 

“He’s here,” Wong said.

“Well why did you say you didn’t know?!”

“Last time Rhodey or any of your other potential best men came over Clint threatened Stephen’s life!”

“Clint you threatened Stephen’s life?” Tony asked.

“Wong told me to!” Clint yelled, leaving with his nerf bow. 

“You told him to?”

“I told him that was how I became friends with Stephen- it’s a long story he was in our vents.” 

“Get Stephen here now! It’s a code red.”

“What? What’s happened?”

“Team Stucky is on the move!”

“Team Stucky? Who the hell is that?”

“Steve and Bucky.”

“Are you shitting me? This is about the wedding race thing? I thought someone was dying damnit!” 

“Get Stephen!”

“Alright hold onto your ass,” Wong said. 

“What’s going on?” Stephen asked.

“We need to go to Old Man Lee’s and get married now if we’re going to win.” 

“Damnit Tony,” Stephen said, stepping through a portal into the room. 

“We have to go fast.” Stephen made a portal to Old Man Lee’s and they all ran through. 

“Team Stucky got past us! The fridge magnets and nerf darts didn’t work,” Clint said. 

“Damnit!” Tony yelled. He pulled Stephen through the crowd and into the tiny wedding venue. 

“Woah, woah, I’ll be with you all in just a minute,” said Mr. Lee. “Just gotta get this one done first.” All the Avengers were cramped into the tiny room along with one couple in the corner. 

“We gotta fill out all the forms,” Tony said. He and Steve were speed writing against each other as Stephen and Bucky watched them. Then Stephen and Bucky had to sign. At first Tony was worried about Stephen’s hands, that he couldn’t do it fast and that he would feel bad and they would be last but then he noticed that Bucky’s arm had been deactivated by the fridge magnets and it was his dominant hand so they both had trouble writing. Mr. Lee came back. 

“Oh wow, you are very excited aren’t you?” Then the couple he had just married walked out and everyone gasped.

“Pietro?!” Wanda yelled. “You’re  _ alive!?”  _

“And since Clint made me an Avenger, and this is my husband, Cenck,  -say hello, Cenck this is my sister, Wanda-I won the race!” he exclaimed.

“What’s going on?” asked Mr. Lee. 

“You didn’t see that coming?” he asked, grinning. 

 

They all went home, mostly pissed off. Thor was back, still just as happy as ever.

“What happened? Who won?”

“Well Pietro won, so technically I won because Steve didn’t win,” Tony said. 

“You didn’t win! Pietro won!”

“Is… Is Pietro not dead now?” Thor asked.

“Yeah,” Wanda said. “He’s just…. He never even told me.”

“I understand,” said Thor. “I really understand.”

“And then he shows up with a strange man.”

“Who cut off all your hair and made you fight to the death with your coworker in an arena?” Thor asked.

“Uh… No? I guess… I guess it wasn’t that bad.”

“It’s always bad,” Thor said, wrapping an arm around Wanda’s shoulders.

“Well I’m glad this exercise in stupidity is over,” Wong said. 

“I mean I’m still gonna marry Bucky.”

“And I’m still gonna marry Stephen,” Tony said, holding Stephen’s hands.

“I meant the stupid race. The weddings were fine.” 

“Well… What now?” Wanda asked.

“Wedding planning!” Peter yelled. 

 


	7. The Bachelor Parties

Tony, Bucky, Bruce, Vision, Rhodey and Clint headed out and went straight to a bar. They moved through the bar quickly, starting to drink. And they drank probably too much. Bruce, who had fortunately stayed Bruce instead of Hulking out, was in the middle of a fight with Vision because Vision said green was a dumb color and Bruce proceeded to tell him his face was a dumb color. Bucky had decided every song in the bar was a karaoke song and was half way crying as he sang along to a Taylor Swift song. Tony and Clint were holding onto each other for dear life, Tony crying about how Clint was the father he never had. 

“You’re so soft,” Tony wept, holding Clint. “And you make me feel like my feelings matter. You’re a better dad than Howard ever was, I’m glad Bucky killed him.”

“You can be my fourth child, Tony, it’s okay,” Clint cried. 

“I wish Howard was alive now so he could see what a real  _ dad  _ looks like!” Tony snapped.

“Sssshhhh, son,” said Clint. “It’s okay.”

“Thank you bird dad.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t want a giant purple dildo to rip a magic rock out of your head, maybe don’t have a magic rock in your head!” snapped Bruce. 

“Eat my metal ass you half bit scientist! You’re not even the second smartest science dude I know!” Vision snapped. 

“Why is Vision drunk?” Rhodey asked Tony. 

“He’s programmed to act like people do so when we get drunk he’s drunk-”

“I’m not drunk you… you! Stay away from my science son,” Clint hissed. 

“Science dad! Bruce called you dumb!” yelled Vision. Clint gasped.

“I have a grandson… he’s an iphone,” said Clint. 

“Bird dad?”

“Yes my son.”

“Do you approve of my husband?” Tony asked.

“No!” Clint said. “He needs a real job, magic’s not a real job. He’s a.. A magic bum.. And he lives with that guy.. Your husband is a ho!” 

“Dad!” Tony cried. “But I love  him!” 

“Shut up you guys! This is my jam!” Bucky yelled. He then began to pour his heart into singing Wrecking Ball. 

“How do you even know this old man?” Tony asked. Bucky ignored him completely and continued to sing. 

“You guys are lucky I’m a good driver,” said Rhodey. “Can’t believe you made me be the designated driver.” 

“I  _ trust  _ you,” Tony said. “With my life.” 

“Thanks,” Rhodey sighed. 

 

Wong and Stephen just stayed in the Sanctum, sitting there and watching TV and eating the entire carton of Hulk a Hulk a Burnin’ Fudge. For them, that was a party. It was rare they got to just do nothing. Just sit there, eating unhealthy food, and watching TV instead of reading or training or sparring. 

“What do you think your betrothed is up to?”

“My what?” Stephen asked. 

“Your betrothed. You’re to be married to him so it’s kind of like that.” 

“Oh.. Yeah. Tony,” Stephen said. “I dunno. Probably drinking.” They ate ice cream for a while longer. 

“Wanna spy on him?” Wong asked.

“Absolutely.” They used a spell to find Tony, and then another to watch him. They watched as their group stumbled drunkenly around as Rhodey tried to wrangle them. Wong and Stephen laughed and watched poor Rhodey try to get them all in a car. 

“Look! Stephen! They’re all singing now!” laughed Wong. “When did Clint become his father?” The cloak floated around before settling across Stephen’s lap like a blanket. Wong and Stephen continued to eat their ice cream and watch the others. It might not be extravagant, but Stephen prefered it to a ‘real’ bachelor’s party. 

 

Steve took Sam, Natasha, Clint, T’Challa, and Tony to the lake. They all seemed to think it was lame except T’Challa who neither knew nor cared what a normal bachelor party was. They all ran around on the beach, Natasha sitting in the sand, Clint and Sam fighting with water guns. Tony and T’Challa sat with their feet in the water. Steve got a bear and just watched his friends, smiling. 

“Hey Steve,” Bucky said, running up through the brush. 

“Buck? You’re supposed to be at your bachelor party.”

“Yeah but.. I dunno, eating plums alone isn’t as fun as you’d think,” Bucky said. “Besides. I don’t get this whole thing. I wanna spend my life with you,” Bucky said. “I don’t get why I would need one last party without you.” Steve hugged him and kissed his chin. Bucky pulled a plum out of his pocket and handed it to Steve. They sat next to each other, watching the others. Natasha made a sand spider, and Tony and T’Challa had started a sand castle competition after T’Challa started to make a sand Wakanda and Tony said he could do better. Sam and Clint ended up trampling the sand Avengers tower, and then Tony shoved Clint into the water, which started a water fight between of the three of them as T’Challa peacefully built his sand Wakanda. Sam fell back, close to sand Wakanda and T’Challa stood up.

“This attack on sand Wakanda shall not go unpunished!” T’Challa yelled, dumping a bucket of sand in Sam’s face. Sam spat the sand out and then squirted T’Challa in the face with his squirt gun.

“Long live sand Wakanda!” yelled Natasha, running in with two squirt guns, throwing one to T’Challa. 

“I’m with you Sam!” Clint announced. 

“Sand Wakanda!” Tony yelled. 

“Cap! We need you!” Sam yelled. Bucky threw a plum and hit Clint. 

“Sand Wakanda!” Bucky yelled.

“Bucky what the fucky!?” Sam yelled. Steve got up and ran to Sam. 

“We may be outnumbered, but we have one thing they don’t!” Steve declared. 

“What?” Sam asked.

“A meat shield!” Steve yelled, pushing Clint between them and the sand Wakanda defenders. 

 


	8. The Weddings

They stood together at the altar. Bucky and Steve had opted for a simpler, smaller wedding. It was out in the countryside, one of the few places they had known peace. It was a beautiful place. Most of the other Avengers were there. There weren’t really groomsmen or anything like that, everyone just sat in their chairs and watched. 

“Today, we are gathered here to celebrate love,” Pastor Lee said. “With the union of two families, into one.”

“YEAH! GET SOME STEVE!” 

“Thanks Sam,” Steve said. There was a pause. 

“I, James Barnes, promise to love you and care for you, and to work to be worthy of your love. To hold you and cherish you, and to be with you till the end of the line. I love you.” 

“I, Steve Rogers, promise to love you and care for you, and to work to be worthy of your love. To hold you and cherish you, and to be with you till the end of the line. I love you.” 

“You may now kiss the groom,” said Pastor Lee. They kissed, and then Bucky lifted Steve off his feet and carried him around bridal style. 

“Mr and Mr Rogers!” Bucky yelled. There was a lot of clapping and a lot of chairs got knocked over. Bruce ended up hulking out for some reason, but it wasn’t too bad because even the Hulk knew better than to ruin a wedding. 

“Hulk love weddings,” Hulk said, nearly crying. The reception was in the barn behind where the wedding had been. There was punch and cake, and to the disappointment of Tony, no alcohol. Steve didn’t want everyone drunk there, he wanted them to talk. Everyone mingled around, chatting and enjoying themselves. Steve put his arm around Bucky and held him close. 

“We waited seventy years for this,” said Steve.

“I’d wait a thousand life times for this,” Bucky responded. 

 

Tony was starting to think Peter may be even more excited for his wedding than he was. Peter was ecstatic about being the ring bearer and made sure his suit was perfect and that the rings were right where they should be and that everything was in order and kept running back and forth between Stephen and Tony to tell them about what the other was doing. 

“So Dr. Dad is trying to-”

“Peter quick the ceremony is about to start,” Tony said. Peter darted out as fast as he could. Tony took a deep breath. He walked out and held Stephen’s hands and kissed them. Then he walked down the aisle with him, as the others clapped. He had invited all the Avengers, and some other friends like Happy. It was a church wedding, even though neither of them were Christian. Tony was an atheist and Stephen said he had met some group of Gods called the Vishanti, but either way it just felt like the right place to get married. It was beautiful. They kissed again as they walked down the aisle. 

Next was the two best men, Wong and Bucky, followed by the rest of the groom’s men, and Natasha. Tony didn’t know if she was a groomsmaid or what but he didn’t care. That was his friend. Once everyone was up, Peter came with the rings, smiling so widely Tony was worried he would hurt himself. Antman’s daughter had begged to be the flower girl when they realized they were one short, and Tony thought that would be a good idea. The Avengers were kind of like a big family anyways. She was very happy as she came down sprinkling flowers. Pastor Lee seemed to be the go to guy for super hero weddings, and started it the same way he had started Steve and Bucky’s. 

“Today, we are gathered here to celebrate love,” Pastor Lee said. There was supposed to be more, but Tony interrupted him on accident with the vows, too excited to wait. 

“I believe in us, and the couple we will be together. With my whole heart I take you as my husband, acknow-knowelding and accepting your faults as you do mine. I will dream with you, celebrate with you, and walk with you through whatever our lives may bring. I love you,” Tony said, kissing Stephen again. 

“Tony not yet,” Bucky whispered. They waited a minute and they continued to kiss. 

“Guys,” Bruce said.

“You gotta finish the rest of the wedding, Irondad,” Peter whispered. 

“Stephen,” Wong said, tapping his shoulder. Natasha shook them both and they finally broke apart. 

“I believe in us, and the couple we will be together. With my whole heart I take you as my husband, acknowledging and accepting your faults, as you do mine. Out of all the possible futures in existence, I wouldn’t have it any other way . I love you,” Stephen said. 

“Alright now go,” said Pastor Lee. They kissed again. 

 

The reception was much more of a party than the Roger’s. There was alcohol for a start, and a lot more people were there.

“So since Bucky and I married first, did we win the race?” asked Steve.

“Uh,  _ no.  _ Pietro won the race.” 

“Alright… Well what about the first Gay Avengers with a child?” Steve said.

“What? We won that, we’ve got Peter.”

“But he’s not officially adopted,” Steve said.

“No, guys,” Bucky said.

“Tony I swear on my life-” Stephen began.

“You’re on!” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it!


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